Help me with my introduction paragraph?

It's for Georgia Studies, so it's obviously got to be a topic about Georgia. I chose Gopher toroises. It's for 8th grade so.. It shouldn't sound professional :P.



Ever hear the phrase that no two people are alike? Well, the same goes for states. States are different in many ways, their terrain, their population, and even their state symbols. Every state has its own unique set of state symbols, even our own state, Georgia! Georgia has a plethora of different state symbols. We have a state bird, a state flower, and even a state insect. All of our state symbols are unique, but the most unique by far is our state reptile - The Gopher Tortoise.

Help me with my introduction paragraph?
Your introduction is not a bad one. The opening question is questionable. I like the correlation between no two people being alike and no two states being alike. It's very creative. However, I would prefer it to be in a statement instead of a question.



Thinking deeper, how does it really tie into your thesis statement (topic sentence)? I'm not sure it does. You try getting to the point, which is the Gopher Tortoise being the most unique, but you don't give any reasons why it is the most unique. These reasons (2 or 3 of them) must be included in your introduction to form your thesis (topic sentence); otherwise, you have no paper.



I am sure you have a couple of reasons why you think the Gopher Tortoise is "the most unique BY FAR"; that's a bold statement. The teacher will be looking for your reasons to support your claim of "the most unique BY FAR."



Once you have these reasons (2 or 3 of them), you can play with the introduction to see if you might find an angle that fits more appropriately. These reasons will also serve as the topics for your body paragraphs, so they are essential.



If you'd like further help, email me, and I will assist you.
Reply:There are 50 states in the United States of America, each with their own unique state symbols. Our state, Georgia, has many of its own symbols including a state bird, state flower, state insect, and even a state reptile. The Gopher Tortoise is the state reptile of Georgia.
Reply:Ever hear the phrase that no two people are alike? Well, the same goes for states. Each state has state symbols, such as plants and animals. The symbols are chosen because they represent something special about that state. One of Georgia's state symbols is the state reptile, the Gopher Tortoise. What makes the Gopher Tortoise so special that it has been chosen as one of Georgia's symbols?



Short sentences. I try to keep the waffle to a minimum. Developing a direction by asking a question at the end, a natural progression into the body of the topic. This also lets you conclude the topic by saying "blah blah and that's why the GT is so great we honor it by making it the state reptile". Gives you structure to your topic.



Avoid using unique. it is a word that is overused and in your case misused. You can't have 'most unique' - unique means one of a kind and you can't have 'most one of a kind'. In fact the GT is found in quite a few states as are the flowers and other symbols used by the various states so they aren't unique anyway. And 'a plethora of different' - what was wrong with saying 'many' (and obviously they would be different). Don't use ten words if one will do.



Hope you see this as helpful - yours wasn't a bad start, but you did ask....

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