Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Question and answer Clinton jokes?

Q: How do you break a Bill Clinton supporter's finger?


A: Punch him in the nose.





Q: What does Jeffrey Dahmer's victims and The Clintons' hair styles have in common?


A: They both look like the work of a butcher.





Q: If The Clinton's were younger, do you think they would have known the Clampents?


A: Possibly, Bill might have made Jethro's acquaintance in the 6th grade.





Q: Why doesn't Hillary cut Bill's hair?


A: He won't pay her $300.





Q: What are the two worst things about Bill Clinton?


A: His face.





Q: What is the Arkansas state flower?


A: Gennifer.





Q: Know how to solve the Serbian/Bosnian problem in less than 48 hours?


A: Put Janet Reno in charge.





Q: What's the difference between a Bill Clinton and a carp?


A: One's a scum sucking bottom feeder and the other's a fish.





Q: What's the difference between Hillary Clinton and a pit bull?


A: The pit bull doesn't carry a briefcase.





Q: How does Bill Clinton say "I'm about to hurt you"?


A: "Trust me."





Q: What is the difference between Dan Quayle, Bill Clinton and Jane Fonda?


A: Jane Fonda went to Vietnam.





Q: How can you tell Bill Clinton apart from a cow?


A: By the wise look in the eyes.





Q: How can you tell Bill Clinton from a bunch of dead bodies?


A: He's the stiff one.





Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a lightbulb?


A: Two--One to promise he'll do it better than anyone else and one to obscure the issues.





Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a lightbulb?


A: None--He'll only promise "change."





Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a lightbulb?


A: He doesn't! He whines a while, says "I feel your pain", and gets congress to pass a billion dollar light security bill, and blames Republicans and special interests for not making lightbulbs free.





Q: Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year?


A: Because they're sending their turkey to the White House!





Q: Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year?


A: Because they can't afford any more pork.





Q: Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year?


A: Reagan ate all the jellybeans.





Q: Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year?


A: They've been having turkey for years.





Q: Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year?


A: Because Clinton "invested" all the turkey.





Q: What were Bill and Chelsea Clinton doing in the voting booth?


A: Bill was giving his daughter a lesson in Civics, how to ruin the people!





Q: What does Teddy Kennedy have that Bill Clinton wishes he did?


A: A dead girlfriend.





Q: What's the difference between Personal Injury lawyers and Congress?


A: No fee--If No Recovery!





Q: How did Bill and Hillary Clinton meet?


A: They were dating the same girl in high school.





Q: How can you tell when Bill Clinton is lying?


A: Only a Bill Clinton supporter is too dumb to know the answer to this one.





Q: How can you tell when Bill Clinton is telling a lie by looking at his face?


A: If his lips are moving, then he's lying.





Q: What do Bill Clinton and a fifteen-watt light bulb have in common?


A: Neither one is very bright.





Q: What does Clinton do to lose weight?


A: Runs away from the draft.





Q: How can you tell when Clinton is ready for battle [in Bosnia]?


A: He's got his jogging suit on.





Q: What's Clinton's favorite baseball team?


A: The Dodgers.





Q: What's Bill's fondest wish now?


A: That someone would wave a hand at him using more than one finger.





Q: What's a Clinton sandwich?


A: Pure bologna piled high and deep.





Q: Why do they always fly around a live turkey in a cage on Air Force 1?


A: For spare parts.





Q: Did you hear that the Clinton's had Air Force 1 remodeled?


A: Now it's got two left wings.





Q: Why is Bill Clinton called "middle of the road Democrat"?


A: Because he's got a wide yellow stripe down the middle of his two-lane back.





Q: Why is Bill Clinton's economic plan called positively atheist?


A: Because it hasn't got a prayer.





Q: If Bill and Hillary jumped together off the Washington monument, who'd land first?


A: Who cares!





Q: How did Bill Clinton get a crick in his neck?


A: Trying to save both faces.





Q: If Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Al Gore, and Tipper took a boat ride and the boat capsized, who would be saved?


A: The United States of America!





Q: Why is Bill Clinton diverting federal funds from improving schools to improving jails?


A: Because when his term is through, he won't be going to school.





Q: Why does Chelsea look so stupid and ugly?


A: Heredity.





Q: Why did Bill and Hillary send Chelsea to a private school?


A: If they sent her to a public school, the secret service would be out-gunned!





Q: What do Clinton and JFK have in common?


A: They haven't had any brains for the last thirty years.





Q: What happened when Bill Clinton got a shot of testosterone?


A: He turned into Hillary!





Q: Did you hear Chrysler is introducing a new car to commemorate President Clinton's election?


A: It's gonna be called the Dodge Drafter!





Q: Why does the secret service guard Hillary so closely?


A: Because if something happens to her, Bill becomes President!





Q: How many Clinton administration officials does it take to screw in a light bulb?


A: Two--one to screw the bulb into the water faucet while the other tells us that everything possible is being done to help the situation.





Q: How many republicans does it take to raise your taxes?


A: None. The democrats do that.





Q: How many republicans does it take to disarm the law abiding public so that the government can enforce totalitarianistic and unconstitutional laws?


A: None. The Sociali--Democrats do that.





Q: How many Clinton White House officials does it take to change a lightbulb?


A: None. They like to keep him in the dark!





Q: Why do liberals travel in threes?


A: One to read, one to write and the other one to keep an eye on both intellectuals.





Q: What kind of neckwear does Hillary Clinton look best in?


A: A noose.





Q: What kind of jewelry does Hillary look best in?


A: Handcuffs.





Q: What Biblical and Renaissance characters does Hillary most resemble?


A: Jezebel and Lucretia Borgia.





Q: What's the best place to photograph Clinton Administration officials?


A: A police lineup.





Q: What's a conservative?


A: A liberal who made it through adolescence.





Q: What is a conservative?


A: A liberal who's been mugged.





Q: What do you get when you cross a crooked lawyer with a crooked politician?


A: Chelsea.





Q: You know what the problem with political jokes is, don't you?


A: They get elected.





Q: What famouse Arkansas State Supreme Court decision is Hilary Clinton famous for?


A: If you divorce your wife in Arkansas, is she still your cousin?





Q: Why is Chelsea Clinton a miracle child?


A: Because lawyers use their personalities for birth control.





Q: Why did Bill Clinton cross the road?


A: To tax the chicken.





Q: Why can't Bill Clinton file a defamation of character suit against his critics?


A: Because Bill Clinton has no character to defame.





Q: If called to testify in a trial how long will it before before Clinton commits perjury?


A: When he's sworn in.





Q: How many helicopters does it take for White House aides to go play a round of golf?


A: Depends on how many were photographed.





Q: Why did Bill Clinton cross the road?


A: To meet the chick.





Q: How are Boris Becker and President Clinton alike?


A: Both aren't as successful when they're not on grass.





Q: Did you hear they put two new faces on Mt. Rushmore?


A: Yeah, they were Bill Clinton.





Q: Did you know that Clinton's cat can play Chess?


A: Inside Information: The cat isn't really all that good at Chess. The last time they played best of five, Clinton won three games to two.





Q: Who would become President of the U.S.A if the President died?


A: Bill Clinton of course!





Q: How does Bill Clinton change a light bulb? A: He doesn't. He whines a while, says "I feel your pain", and gets congress to pass a billion dollar light security bill, and blames republicans and special interests for not making lightbulbs free. Q: What do the Republicans have that Bill Clinton wishes he had?


A: A mandate to govern.





Q: How can you tell that the guy who attacked the White house with a plane was insane? A: He seems to have thought Clinton would be in his own bedroom at night. Q: What did Hillary tell Bill when the Paula Jones story broke?


A: "You idiot! I told you to let Teddy Kennedy drive her home!





Q: What did Boris Yelstin say when asked if meeting Clinton made want to convert Russia to the type of government they have in America?


A: "Never! I'm not going to let my wife run the country!!"





Q: Why doesn't Bill like old houses?


A: He's afraid of the draft.





Q: What's the differents between Bill Clinton and an elephant?


A: About 20 pounds and a jogging suit.





Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and David Koresh?


A: Koresh only burned 85 people.





Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and David Koresh?


A: Some people still believe in David Koresh.





Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Joseph Stalin?


A: Some of Stalin's subjects admired him.





Q: How many Hillary Clintons does it take to change a light bulb?


A: One--she just holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.





Q: What's the difference between Janet Reno and a school bus driver?


A: The bus driver stops to let the kids out.





Q: How does Bill keep Gennifer Flowers away from the White House?


A: He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride.





Q: When will there be a woman in the White House?


A: When Hillary leaves town.





Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a container of yogurt?


A: Yogurt has culture.





Q: What is the best thing that ever came out of Arkansas?


A: Highway 55.





Q: Why does Clinton always have a stupid grin on his face?


A: He is stupid!





Q: Why is Clinton prone to losing his voice?


A: He keeps having to eat his words.





Q: How do you know when a liberal is really dead?


A: His heart stops bleeding.

Question and answer Clinton jokes?
That was a long list. As a joke they are funny lol. §§§
Reply:It seems like you hate Politics or the Clinton's
Reply:Very nice. Thanks!
Reply:The republicant joke - the sheeple, the amerikan public, fell for the scare stories!!!!! Twice even!
Reply:Many of these jokes are outdated and no longer apply. However, a few were funny. But forget Bill, give us some Hillary jokes. lol
Reply:ha ha ha funny


thanks for a laugh


10/10
Reply:that is joke very long long long to read but is funny dude.
Reply:Personally, i support the democrats because i came from a very political family of dems. i think these are really dumb, get some bush ones ;] hes the worst president we've ever had.
Reply:I am not a Clinton supporter but that wasn't even remotely funny. I got bored after the first four and stopped.
Reply:ok
Reply:you need a life
Reply:Did you hear about the time Hillary visited the troops in Iraq?


The pilot renamed the Helo "Broomstick One"
Reply:You should have written a book about the Clinton's at least it would bring you some stupid comments. Actually all the question are so stupid that nobody could recognize if it comes from a 8 year old a donkey.
Reply:you tried too much


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