Would you go to this persons wedding, if this happened to you?

I got married a few months ago privately, we decided not to invite family and have a small ceremony. After we got married, we sent a bulk email out to our family with weblink of our wedding photos .


In error my cousins fiance replied to my entire family email list stating that we looked "lonley" in some of our photos and that we have a whole negative backstory (she was intending to send this response to her close girlfriend, but my entire family got this disrespectful email).





This devestated us as newlyweds that someone could be so cruel, especially someone that is going to be marring my cousin and be family. She called us crying, sent flowers, wrote a letter to help re-establish her reputation, but we are still bitter with her. My cousin sent an apoligy via email (i expected a call), my aunt and uncle did not respond or apologize to me at all.


Now a few months later my cousin and this girl are getting married. My wife does not want to go. Would you go to this wedding ?

Would you go to this persons wedding, if this happened to you?
First of all, you must understand mistakes happen, especially when computers are involved. They can be tricky, I have once sent something out to "everyone" when it was only meant for one person and I can tell you it was embarassing.


Secondly, think about it, was she really being malicious and nasty when sending that email? Was she being catty or just expressing an opinion....because I would maybe look at photos of a bride and groom all alone in their photos and also think they look "lonely" but not be meaning it in a nasty way.....just making a comment on it. Remember she was only sending it to one person. (so she thought anyways)


Just because she said that doesnt mean she didnt approve of it or was laughing at it. A small wedding such as yours is incredibly beautiful and romantic.


It sounds like she is genuinely sorry, and has tried to make ammends with the flowers and calls, writing letters....what more can she do??


I can understand you are hurt, your wedding day was special to you guys and you did it your way....just be sure you have not taken what she said out of context. Having not read it myslef I cant really judge...only you can really know.


But I really do think here, it is up to you guys to let it go. If you keep on thinking of it and miss their wedding because of it, you really are taking it too far and punishing yourselves too. Show you guys are the bigger people here and go to the wedding and be gracious. It will be more uncomfortable for her than it will be for you guys, believe me.


Life is way too short to let this grudge come into your family life.


Go to the wedding....enjoy it, hold your heads up high and show that you guys can rise above it.


Good luck. I am sure you had a beautiful wedding.
Reply:Your cousin is family and HE did not send this hurtful email nor do I quite understand why you would have expected an apology from his parents.





People gossip. She got caught. She did everything she could to make amends. Bet she learned a valuable lesson.





Take the high road and go to the wedding. She may be in your family for the rest of your life, why not put this behind you? She'll see that you are not the sad couple she wrote about, but mature adults who can let bygones be bygones for the sake of family.
Reply:I don't find the "lonely" comment to be especially offensive (stupid, but not offensive), but I'm curious what "negative backstory" she spread? Did she say that you and your wife were too poor to afford a 'real' wedding, and that injured your pride? Or did she say something like your wife is a gold-digging whore who suckered a nerdy loser like you? The former statement probably should be forgiven based on what the dumb fiancee's apology. The latter statement ... well, it would take me a LONG time to forgive something like that. But only you know how offensive her comments were.





If your wife is still mad, I'd respect her feelings and not attend. I agree with the prior posters that because your cousin is family, you should acknowledge your cousin's wedding -- perhaps the compromise you can strike with your wife is not attending, but sending a nice gift so as to give the appearance of taking the high road.
Reply:Some people are just stupid. She tried to save face and apologize. Your aunt and uncle did nothing wrong to have to apologize to you. Your cousin sent you an email, but again he did nothing either.





Go to the wedding if you want. Tell you wife you can leave whenever she's ready. The important part is the ceremony. In a few years this will all be water under the bridge anyway.
Reply:Oh Lord, this sounds hard.





It's your cousin's fiancee that committed this error by critiquing and demeaning you. I have to say that your cousin if he was NOT involved with the e-mail hurt, was good in apologizing and sending flowers and an olive branch--good on his part, and he is saving face for her.





I would just forgive them although this sounds hard, and I mean forgive them 1X and interiorly 100s of times, because on the end, who knows you just might see a lot of each other if you are really close.





A word to the wise: Never send anything in writing, electronically, cell phone or computer wise, because it is written, just like gossip. Even if this was intended to be heard by one listener, perhaps she would have told you two on the end. So this woman was unwise, period.





I would go to the wedding, be really kind, pay respects, get a nice gift, and by this I mean you will represent what a loving couple should be loving, kind, and forgiving---a lesson they need to learn. SORRY ABOUT THE OUCHIES, THOUGH.
Reply:No. I dont think I would be able to look her in the face or even smile at the wedding. If you feel you and your wife will have a bad attitude, be fake, curt, or hostile you shouldnt go. It would set a heavy mood on a fun situation.





I hope you guys did not accept the apology, that person is not very nice.
Reply:It was a mistake.


Sure, we would go to a family wedding.
Reply:As a female, I understand where your wife is coming from. Women are infamous for grudge holding you know, and we are pretty good at it. I, personally, would not want to go, either. They should have thought about that stuff before they tried to be mean about you all getting married. Payback is a pain. I mean why should you support them if they didn't support you all? But anyway, that is just me, and most of the female population, too... Lol.
Reply:shes tried very hard to apologize, i think you should let it go and be there for family
Reply:Ever heard of "heaping coals of fire on someone's head"? The way to do that, in this case, is to be NICE. I mean really nice. Go to the wedding; give a gift (not an expensive one but something nice and useful like a decent set of photo frames). The nicer you are to them, the worse it will make them feel. And if you can, forgive them. Wish them the best and hope they both grow up soon.





It would be hard, but I would go.
Reply:Don't let some future in-law, ruin future family


gatherings by being absent at family functions.


Show them all who the better couple is and


forget it. Go and have fun and show them all


how UN-lonely you are and how happy!!!!
Reply:She was caught red-handed by the whole family! So I think she is being punished.


It would be hard, but I would just let it go. Take the high road, be a better person than she is, and smile and wish them well. She is family now and for the sake of everyone in the family, do not cause a stir.
Reply:Don't carry hurt around. It just gets heavier and heavier. The woman has taken great pains to apologize. If she could undo the hurt, she would, no doubt. It's not up to your aunt and uncle to apologize for their son's fiancee, especially since she has apologized so profusely. You will be involved with your cousin and his soon-to-be wife the rest of your lives: don't set it up to be miserable. You have an opportunity to be generous now. For the sake of all of your futures, take it.
Reply:What kind of relationship do you want to have with your cousin and his fiancee? If you would like to mend it then I suggest you go to the wedding. Even if you are still upset, by the time you move on you will at least have the memory and will be able to join in the conversation when other family members speak of the event. If you don't really plan to have a relationship with this couple I suggest you stay home. Your cousin's fiancee acted like an idiot and even though she said a lot of horrible things she embarrassed HERSELF in front of the whole family. Now your family will always wonder if she's thinking bad thoughts or saying nice things to them that she doesn't mean. But since she has apologized and tried to make amends it's up to you now. Just remember that if you don't go and you end up having a relationship with them, YOU will have to apologize for not attending the wedding.
Reply:You really seem to have it in for these folks. If you can't conduct yourselves properly then don't go to their wedding.





I really don't understand why you are devastated. This girl has done everything she can to apologize and you still are holding a grudge? Her e-mail seems a bit gossipy and immature but really - what gives? It sounds like maybe she touched a nerve with you and her comments hit a little too close to home. Maybe the negative backstory was actually true?





I don't mean to be cruel - you are obviously very sensitive - but I think it's a bit tacky to have a wedding, to which family is not invited, and then you send out a bulk e-mail to everyone? Could you have done anything more to let them know that they aren't important to you? Really!





I think you were rude in the first place - you could have at least sent out a proper announcement in the mail and included a single photo of the two of you, along with a notice that more photos could be viewed on the website. To send out a bulk e-mail to family is just plain tacky in my book. Even more tacky is to expect that these folks will jump through even more hoops for you!





This one girl makes a mistake, does everything in her power to apologize and you expect her fiance and family to try to make amends to you? It totally cracks me up that you expected a phone call from your cousin when you didn't even have the courtesy to ask him to your wedding or send him a note about it - you started the communication via e-mail and should be happy that he responded at all!





Grow up and get over yourselves, please! Like I said before - if you can't act properly and accept this girl's apology then you shouldn't go to their wedding. They have obviously forgiven you for being so rude to them (otherwise you wouldn't have been invited at all) so maybe you should pony up and forgive her.





Good luck...
Reply:paybacks a ******! your cousin sounds like a mean little wench and her comments were really quite nasty and unwarranted. apparently she has yet to figure out that you can't run around saying and doing as you please and then think flipping off an 'i'm sorry' is going to fix everything.


even though she has apologized i can understand your wife's hurt feelings about someone being so two-faced, and backstabbing at this person. i'm not sure why your aunt and uncle should apologize to you they didn't do anything did they?


anyway, if your wife doesn't want to go then i think you have to respect your wife's feelings. she is upset and if you go against her on this, you may be in far deeper trouble than you ever thought possible. we women are funny that way. in time your wife may relax about it all, but i can totally understand her being hurt and embarassed.


personally i would not go to their wedding, i would send a card acknowledging their marriage but that would be about it.


its a tough choice but you have to honor your wife more than appease the family by attending this wedding.
Reply:your wedding is just that...YOUR wedding. i had an extremely small wedding at a total of 28 people including my husband and i. some people didn't agree to how i had it, but i have to say after being married for 3 years i couldn't have imagined having it any other way and i'm very happy. i don't blame you for being bitter, and it will be hard to be happy for someone else at their wedding when you were criticized for yours. i'd say go with your gut...if you can't be genuinely happy the day of their wedding, save yourself the time and effort and enjoy a day with your wife instead. a wedding is a time to share happiness with the couple-to-be and if you can't shake off what happened, it will be a sour experience if you go. good luck.
Reply:I think U should go to the wedding but I don't think U should expect your wife to attend, after all she is still upset and that's understandable on her part. U said your cousin apologized via email . sent flowers, wrote a letter and all that but it seems that nothing is enough 4 U , so think about this really hard and weigh this thing and see if missing your cousin's wedding is worth it. I don't think so. Go 2 the damn wedding and stop acting like a 2 year old. Suck it up. What Would Jesus Do?
Reply:When something unfortunate has happened, and the offender tries to make amends, then the ball is in your court.





She did something wrong by sending the email to everyone, computers are tricky, and she was not careful enough. She is obviously sorry.





Now, you have to decide. Do not keep them hopping with apologies for the rest of their lives or continue to put them through the fires of hell, as other Answerers have said. Now you either accept the apology and treat them (even if you don't feel the same about them) as if nothing happened. OR you cut them out of your life and never have anything to do with them again.





Since you are still mad at them, I suggest not going to this wedding.
Reply:I would go to the wedding. Have the time of your life. Talk to all of your relatives and dont even think about the hurtful email. Be super nice! I'd still be upset, but you dont want the whole family talking about how you didnt go to this wedding.


I kind of went through the same thing with my family. My bil was the best man at my wedding and his fiance opened her big fat mouth and tried to tell me how to do my wedding. I yelled at her (during the reception) and i almost slapped her. She didnt let the best man do anything the rest of the night. Their wedding was 4 months later and I went. Bought a big present and was as nice as pie. I feel that I was the better person in not trying to ruin her wedding day. Good luck!
Reply:Send me her address and I will go beat the %^$%26amp; out of her. What a rude miserable woman??? Yes I'm upset this happened to you. I understand woman like gossip but another thing is to be evil, maybe she is just jelous she wasn't consider close family, and that sending flowers to apologize was just plain cheesyyyy to me.





Ok, the deal is now she would be part of the family you like it or not. I agree with the other answer, treat them as nice as you would treat someone you like (without being too fake or overboard) and show that daughter of a b.i.o.tc.h what a Classy-Happy-Decent couple you guys are.
Reply:as a female i don't blame your wife for not wanting to go.why go to a place where i will feel very uncomfortable. you can sent her a congratulation card and tell them that it was to unconfortable for you to be at the wedding
Reply:You need to ask yourself if you can go to the wedding and not make everyone including yourselves feel uncomfortable. She tried to make amends but forgiving and forgetting are two different things. You also need to remember that your cousin or aunt and uncle do not owe you an apology. They did nothing wrong. You should never apologize for what someone else does. Its a tough decision...Good Luck.
Reply:Ignore it and move on. I hate to say it but this probably isn't the first time someone has said something negative about you behind your back. And can you really say you have never said anything bad about someone behind their backs? Probably not. It was an accident that it was sent to everyone and was probably written in the heat of the moment.





Accept her apology. She seems sincere in it and probably feels just awful for what she's done. Attend the wedding, be nice to them and congratulate them on their happy day. She'll wish she'd done the same to you.
Reply:First of all - give your aunt and uncle a break! It was not their fault, and no one other then the cousin's fiance herself owes you an apology for what happened.





Now you have two choices - you can either forgive her and let it go - or skip the wedding. The mature thing would be to forgive and celebrate with them dispite her nasty mistake - and that will also make you look like the better person. If you and your wife aren't ready to do that, then just don't go but be aware that your actions will only worsen the situation and make you look bad to the rest of the family.





You are not responsible for her actions - she is - but you are responsible for the actions you choose to take in reaction to her misjudgement.





I JUST WANTED TO ADD - after reading one of the comments above - someone asked "Have you ever talked bad about someone behind their back?" - Think about that for a second. I am willing to beat you have at least on a few occasions said things just as nasty about others as well - the only difference is that she got caught. That does not make you better then her - smarter maybe, but not better.
Reply:If you and your wife can manage to forgive your cousin's fiance, then go. If you are going to continue to be bitter and hold a grudge, then don't go.





She already apologized, seemingly sincerely. Your cousin apologized, too but didn't need to. He doesn't have control over what his fiance does. He was nice enough to send you an apology at ALL, when he did nothing wrong and did not owe you one. And you were "expecting" a call? Secondly, your aunt and uncle did nothing wrong and don't owe you an apology.





I'm not defending your cousin's fiance's gossiping, but IMO, to be "devastated", hold a bitter grudge, and to expect telephoned apologies by people who did nothing wrong is to make a mountain out of a molehill. You really expect people to only say nice stuff about you behind your back? And you've never said anything negative about someone behind theirs?





P.S. I would go b/c I'm not into holding long, bitter grudges, particularly when the person sincerely apologizes, and the offense minor.