I need to make this paragraph more interesting and just over all better!?

Picture yourself driving through the beautiful state of Virginia and coming across a large, antic, and exquisite mansion. You must be thinking, wow, whoever lives there must be so happy; never having a care in the world, so much better off then you must be. If you were to really look inside the mansion you would realize that this is definitely not the case. Fore inside locked away from the world are the Dollanganger family.



Im doing a project and ive done the model of the house on the flowers in the attic. I need to have a paragraph that goes with it.

I need to make this paragraph more interesting and just over all better!?
(for the stuff that i added on or changed, i've captilized the words.)

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Picture yourself driving through the beautiful state of Virginia. SUDDENLY, YOU comE across a large, antiQUE, and exquisite mansion. You must be thinking, wow, whoever lives there must be so happy; never having a care in the world, so much better off then you must be. BUT if you were to really look inside the mansion, you would realize that this is definitely not the case. FOR inside, locked away from the world, IS the Dollanganger family.

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i tried my best!- btw, im in 8th grade(:
Reply:Most do not know who the Dollanganger family is, give more details in the project
Reply:Nestled in the hills of Virginia like a secret only few may know is an antique mansion exquisite in it's detail. If you are fortunate to come across this hidden gem, you may think to yourself that the inhabitants of such luxury must live a life of peaceful ease. But you would be wrong. For life is not easy or peaceful for the Dollanganger family.
Reply:well for starters you could spell for right...
Reply:Picture yourself driving through the beautiful state of Virginia. As you drive, you come across an exquisite antique mansion. You look at the house and think, "Whoever lives there must be so happy." They have a beautiful home, and probably have no troubles. They are much better off then you must be. But when you decide to look into the house, you realize that this is definitely not the case. For locked inside, away from the world, is the Dollanganger family.
Reply:I think your paragraph is already really good but antique was spelled wrong and you might add a exclamation mark after wow and fix your sentence to this; 'Wow! Whoever lives there must be so happy!'

The rest looks fine and i think you have done a fine job. Good work!

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